Saying goodbye to people we love can be difficult any time, but it’s especially hard for young children because they can’t be sure that their parents will return. Those times can be even more difficult for children who are experiencing other kinds of stresses at the same time. Here are some things parents can do to help children with daily goodbyes or with the changes that happen when children are in a new setting, such as moving on to school or being in a new child care group.

It’s often helpful for children when parents can spend a while with them in the new setting. If you can linger in the room just a few minutes to settle your child in, you are giving your child time to adjust.

Establishing a routine can help ease the separation and make it more predictable. One caregiver told us about a routine that a mother and three-year-old child developed. When Julie arrived each morning, she would ask her mother to sit with her while she drew one picture. Then Julie’s mother would take off the inexpensive bracelet she wore and would place it on Julie’s arm. Goodbyes were exchanged, and Julie wore the bracelet all day as a reminder that her mother would be back to get her. When Mom arrived at the end of the day, Julie developed a ritual of placing the bracelet back on her mother’s arm before leaving the center.

By mid-year, Julie and her mother had discontinued the routine. No one remembers exactly how or when they stopped exchanging the bracelet, but Julie was soon able to sail into the room, wave goodbye to her mother, and plunge into the day’s activities, secure in the fact that her mother would return at the end of the day.

Expressing Feelings

At goodbye times, children can have lots of difficult feelings. We often recognize that children can be sad at separations, bit it can also help parents to know that fear and anger can be natural and normal at those times, too.

Talking about feelings gives children an outlet so their feelings aren’t bottled up inside them. When we can let children know we understand they can be sad or angry, we are letting them know their feelings are natural and normal, and that we care about them, no matter what they’re feeling.

A parent might even become comfortable saying to a child, “I understand your feelings. It’s hard for me to leave you every morning, too. But I have to go to work, and I’ll be back at the end of the day so we can spend some time together.” Knowing that a parent acknowledges his or her feelings may be all a child needs to move on with the day.

Talking With Providers

When your child sees you spending some time talking with the caregiver, you are giving warm messages that the center or child care home is a safe place and that you have confidence in the providers.

In that early morning chat, you can let a provider know about anything unusual that may have happened with your child or your family the evening before or in the morning. That’s important information that can help the provider be more sensitive to your child’s needs.

Just getting used to the comings and goings will most likely help children handle their feelings. Each time you come back, your child will find it easier to trust that loved ones will return.